I'm on the eve of what is likely to be the biggest transition period of my life.
In just a few short weeks, I'm going to be a mom. I'm going to be a mom. Why do those words still look foreign to me? Why, despite the finished nursery and persistent kicking in my belly, does it still feel surreal?
It's funny because everything I've done up to this point in my life now feels largely insignificant compared to this monumental journey I'm about to embark on. They say that when you become a parent, it's the first time you truly experience totally selfless love. And I can already feel the transition taking place where my life and my decisions are no longer about me but about him. It's amazing how fiercely protective you can feel of someone you've never even met. It's incredible how you want only the best things life has to offer for this tiny being that's a complete stranger to you.
I am so thankful. Yes, for this baby, for my son-- but also for the road we walked to get to this point. Really, I mean that.
Sometimes it's overwhelming to think of all the ways my life is going to change. Sometimes I can't believe that I am being entrusted with the most awesome responsibility that exists. Sometimes I feel downright terror.
But most of the time? Most of the time I think of that moment when I first meet my son. And I know that in that moment, nothing else will matter. In that moment, I will be a mom.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
High & Closed.
That's how my cervix was described to me today at my very first check for dilation. Honestly, I was completely fine with that for two reasons: 1) Matt is going out of town at the end of the week for a couple of days and I had completely convinced myself that I'd go into labor while he is gone. 2) I want to be able to get the freakin' H1N1 vaccination and have time for the antibodies to kick in so this little guy will have some protection when he makes his debut right smack in the middle of this terrible cold and flu season.
So...the cervix check. Um, ouch. I didn't know what exactly to expect, and I'm not sure what exactly was going on down there, but I can tell you what it felt like. It felt like the NP had her entire arm shoved up there. And I'm pretty sure she did because all of a sudden I heard, "Oh! Well, there's his head."
I also had the pleasure of having my Strep B swab today (otherwise known as the rectal swab). Honestly, it wasn't bad at all. I would take 10 of those swabs over a cervix check any day. I do have to say, though, that I enjoyed my OB appointments much more when they didn't require so much poking, prodding, and swabbing. And now my appointments are weekly. Super.
And, finally, the H1N1 vaccination. If you've read some of my prior posts, you might already know that I've decided to get the shot. And you might also know that this decision is problematic, as I have not been able to find this elusive vaccine anywhere. So, I was pleasantly surprised to learn today that my OB's office is getting in 500 doses next week and will probably be holding a flu shot clinic for all of their pregnant patients. Hallelujah. It's about time.
So...the cervix check. Um, ouch. I didn't know what exactly to expect, and I'm not sure what exactly was going on down there, but I can tell you what it felt like. It felt like the NP had her entire arm shoved up there. And I'm pretty sure she did because all of a sudden I heard, "Oh! Well, there's his head."
I also had the pleasure of having my Strep B swab today (otherwise known as the rectal swab). Honestly, it wasn't bad at all. I would take 10 of those swabs over a cervix check any day. I do have to say, though, that I enjoyed my OB appointments much more when they didn't require so much poking, prodding, and swabbing. And now my appointments are weekly. Super.
And, finally, the H1N1 vaccination. If you've read some of my prior posts, you might already know that I've decided to get the shot. And you might also know that this decision is problematic, as I have not been able to find this elusive vaccine anywhere. So, I was pleasantly surprised to learn today that my OB's office is getting in 500 doses next week and will probably be holding a flu shot clinic for all of their pregnant patients. Hallelujah. It's about time.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I met Camden last night.
Don't worry- I am still very much pregnant.
But I had my first real Camden dream. I've had a few baby dreams throughout this pregnancy, but none that were specifically related to my baby. For example, I've dreamed that I picked up a baby and promptly dropped him. I've also dreamed that I couldn't figure out how to support a baby's neck and was holding some nameless, faceless baby as his head rolled all around. A little creepy, I know.
So last night, it was definitely Camden that I was dreaming about. We were home from the hospital. He could talk. He asked Matt to wipe his nose because it was runny. And then he asked to play with Maggie (my dog). You know that character, Stewie, from that show "Family Guy"? That's kind of what his voice sounded like. Is that weird? Wait- don't answer that.
But I had my first real Camden dream. I've had a few baby dreams throughout this pregnancy, but none that were specifically related to my baby. For example, I've dreamed that I picked up a baby and promptly dropped him. I've also dreamed that I couldn't figure out how to support a baby's neck and was holding some nameless, faceless baby as his head rolled all around. A little creepy, I know.
So last night, it was definitely Camden that I was dreaming about. We were home from the hospital. He could talk. He asked Matt to wipe his nose because it was runny. And then he asked to play with Maggie (my dog). You know that character, Stewie, from that show "Family Guy"? That's kind of what his voice sounded like. Is that weird? Wait- don't answer that.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Flu, colds, and baby showers
You know, initially I never gave any thought to the fact that I'll be having a baby right smack in the middle of cold and flu season--- and a terrible flu season at that. Now it's impossible for me to not think about it, as headlines scream out at me each morning about H1N1, vaccinations, pregnant women, etc.
I've taken as many precautions as possible- I wash my hands obsessively and carry hand sanitizer with me whenever I venture out into the public. I'm no longer working, so that limits some of my daily exposure, but Matt's still working so it's not like I'm entirely away from the risk. Plus, I can't really live my life in a bubble.
One of the most frustrating things for me is the H1N1 vaccination. I realize there's a lot of debate over whether or not to get it-- is it safe? Has it been tested enough? Was it thrown together sloppily? How much thimerosal does it contain? And on and on. Yes, I've asked myself these questions a couple million times too, but ultimately, based on my gut feeling (and the advice of my doctors) I have decided to get the vaccination. Which leads me to the next problem- where on earth is this shot? I know it varies from state to state, but locally, it's not currently available. My OB's office is getting the shot in, but only for staff members. A lot of pediatrician's offices have it available right now, but only in the nasal mist form, which is strictly off-limits to pregnant women. Our local health department had some last week but promptly ran out of it when thousands of people showed up to be vaccinated. It's just so frustrating to me that all we keep hearing is how pregnant women are high risk and need to be vaccinated, but we can't find the vaccine anywhere!
On a much happier note, I had two baby showers this past weekend. The first was a shower that Matt's co-workers threw for him at a restaurant on Friday night. It was very thoughtful of them and we had a great time. On Saturday, I had my baby shower which was hosted by my mom and my sister. It was a jungle-themed shower (to go along with my nursery theme) and you wouldn't believe the intricate detail that went into the planning of this shower. From the homemade tiger and monkey cupcakes to the zebra table runner and jungle animals center-piece, it was very apparent how much thought and effort they put into everything and it turned out perfect.
Unfortunately, we had a couple of last minute drop-outs (not surprisingly, due to cold/flu symptoms-ughh), but still had such a great time. A lot of my family from Richmond, VA made the road trip down here and my childhood best friend showed what a trouper she is by making the long haul from the DC area all by herself to help us celebrate.
We really, really lucked out in the gifts department too. It's almost embarrassing how much stuff we got. I was really struck by the thoughtfulness of some of the gifts (a onesie that said "I was worth the wait", a tiny, custom-made t-shirt that pictured a baseball diamond and said "Camden's Yard", and plenty of Redskins, Orioles, and Virginia Tech Hokies gear so that this child has no choice but to be a sports fan like his daddy). We also really lucked out and received a lot of the larger items on our registry and tons of the basic baby necessities. Bottom line? My friends and family are amazing.
Now, for some pictures:
The cute center-piece:
My sister-in-law made this diaper cake:
Monkey cupcakes:
Tiger cupcakes:
Some of the guests:
My wonderful hosts:
Games:
I've taken as many precautions as possible- I wash my hands obsessively and carry hand sanitizer with me whenever I venture out into the public. I'm no longer working, so that limits some of my daily exposure, but Matt's still working so it's not like I'm entirely away from the risk. Plus, I can't really live my life in a bubble.
One of the most frustrating things for me is the H1N1 vaccination. I realize there's a lot of debate over whether or not to get it-- is it safe? Has it been tested enough? Was it thrown together sloppily? How much thimerosal does it contain? And on and on. Yes, I've asked myself these questions a couple million times too, but ultimately, based on my gut feeling (and the advice of my doctors) I have decided to get the vaccination. Which leads me to the next problem- where on earth is this shot? I know it varies from state to state, but locally, it's not currently available. My OB's office is getting the shot in, but only for staff members. A lot of pediatrician's offices have it available right now, but only in the nasal mist form, which is strictly off-limits to pregnant women. Our local health department had some last week but promptly ran out of it when thousands of people showed up to be vaccinated. It's just so frustrating to me that all we keep hearing is how pregnant women are high risk and need to be vaccinated, but we can't find the vaccine anywhere!
On a much happier note, I had two baby showers this past weekend. The first was a shower that Matt's co-workers threw for him at a restaurant on Friday night. It was very thoughtful of them and we had a great time. On Saturday, I had my baby shower which was hosted by my mom and my sister. It was a jungle-themed shower (to go along with my nursery theme) and you wouldn't believe the intricate detail that went into the planning of this shower. From the homemade tiger and monkey cupcakes to the zebra table runner and jungle animals center-piece, it was very apparent how much thought and effort they put into everything and it turned out perfect.
Unfortunately, we had a couple of last minute drop-outs (not surprisingly, due to cold/flu symptoms-ughh), but still had such a great time. A lot of my family from Richmond, VA made the road trip down here and my childhood best friend showed what a trouper she is by making the long haul from the DC area all by herself to help us celebrate.
We really, really lucked out in the gifts department too. It's almost embarrassing how much stuff we got. I was really struck by the thoughtfulness of some of the gifts (a onesie that said "I was worth the wait", a tiny, custom-made t-shirt that pictured a baseball diamond and said "Camden's Yard", and plenty of Redskins, Orioles, and Virginia Tech Hokies gear so that this child has no choice but to be a sports fan like his daddy). We also really lucked out and received a lot of the larger items on our registry and tons of the basic baby necessities. Bottom line? My friends and family are amazing.
Now, for some pictures:
The cute center-piece:
My sister-in-law made this diaper cake:
Monkey cupcakes:
Tiger cupcakes:
Some of the guests:
My wonderful hosts:
Games:
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Pre-Pregnancy Jeans
Someone (hi, Courtney) asked me if I was wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans in some of my maternity pictures. The answer is both yes and no. You see, my sister (the photographer) had this vision of me wearing my old jeans with the top button undone so we wouldn't have any elastic waist band shots. It sounded like such a good idea to me.
Fast forward to a few nights before we left for the beach. Oh, I thought to myself, Which of my cute old jeans shall I bring? I tried on one pair and got them up to my thighs before they refused to go any farther. It's okay, I told myself, You probably washed them after the last time you wore them so they're a little tighter than normal (nevermind the 22 pounds I've gained- it couldn't be that!). I figured out that it probably was those extra 22 pounds after all when my next pair of old jeans didn't make it past my knees. I settled for the jean capris I'm wearing in the picture which were always a bit loose on me pre-pregnancy.
Now, I have to say I felt a little ridiculous in the jean capris/blank tank top outfit during the photo shoot. Let's just say clothes that are that tight aren't my normal choice of pregnancy fashion, but I trusted my sister's vision for the pictures and I'm very happy with how they turned out. It was worth feeling like a pregnant hussy as I paraded around the beach in my painted-on capris with my belly hanging out.
Fast forward to a few nights before we left for the beach. Oh, I thought to myself, Which of my cute old jeans shall I bring? I tried on one pair and got them up to my thighs before they refused to go any farther. It's okay, I told myself, You probably washed them after the last time you wore them so they're a little tighter than normal (nevermind the 22 pounds I've gained- it couldn't be that!). I figured out that it probably was those extra 22 pounds after all when my next pair of old jeans didn't make it past my knees. I settled for the jean capris I'm wearing in the picture which were always a bit loose on me pre-pregnancy.
Now, I have to say I felt a little ridiculous in the jean capris/blank tank top outfit during the photo shoot. Let's just say clothes that are that tight aren't my normal choice of pregnancy fashion, but I trusted my sister's vision for the pictures and I'm very happy with how they turned out. It was worth feeling like a pregnant hussy as I paraded around the beach in my painted-on capris with my belly hanging out.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Hospital Tour & 5 Year Anniversary
I remember making the phone call to set up my hospital tour back in April or May. The lady on the other end of the line kind of laughed and me and said, "Oh honey, you're going to want to wait until you're about a month away from your due date before you do the Labor & Delivery Tour. That way, everything will be fresh in your mind." I agreed with her reasoning, but was a little disappointed anyway. I was newly pregnant at that point and just wanted to do everything pregnant women were supposed to do- right away! And, back then, October seemed sooo far away. Well, our tour took place last night and while the tour itself wasn't overly exciting, it seemed like another milestone we reached before meeting our little one.
Anyway. There were about 10-12 very pregnant ladies on this tour with their husbands and/or baby's daddies (and when I say very pregnant, I mean one of the women was due the next day). So, we were all getting a little winded walking around the Labor & Delivery unit. We paused in a delivery room for about 20 minutes while we got lectured on the hospital's policies and . There were 3 chairs in this particular delivery room and 2 pregnant women sat proceduresdown right away. Guess who took the third chair? One of the women's husbands! Seriously?
Something I'm not thrilled about? Our hospital isn't allowing any visitors under the age of 18 due to the H1N1 virus. That means my adorable nephews won't be able to meet their new cousin until I come home from the hospital. I understand why the precaution is in place; it's just disappointing. I have read that other hospitals are restricting visitors to the daddy/birth partner only so I suppose I should count my blessings.
On another note, Matt and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary last week. We were at the beach with my family and I woke up on the morning of our anniversary to Matt telling me to put my glasses on. He had the laptop sitting on the bed and started a slideshow as soon as I was able to open my eyes and focus. There were pictures of us throughout the past several years we've been together while "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds Five played in the background. Maybe it was partly the pregnancy hormones, but I couldn't stop crying as pictures of us flashed across the screen. We just looked so young and I realized how much we've grown up together. We've been together about 7 and a half years total now. And though we didn't exactly plan it this way, I told him that I felt like the 5 year wedding anniversary milestone was the perfect time to make the transition from "couple" to "family".
Anyway. There were about 10-12 very pregnant ladies on this tour with their husbands and/or baby's daddies (and when I say very pregnant, I mean one of the women was due the next day). So, we were all getting a little winded walking around the Labor & Delivery unit. We paused in a delivery room for about 20 minutes while we got lectured on the hospital's policies and . There were 3 chairs in this particular delivery room and 2 pregnant women sat proceduresdown right away. Guess who took the third chair? One of the women's husbands! Seriously?
Something I'm not thrilled about? Our hospital isn't allowing any visitors under the age of 18 due to the H1N1 virus. That means my adorable nephews won't be able to meet their new cousin until I come home from the hospital. I understand why the precaution is in place; it's just disappointing. I have read that other hospitals are restricting visitors to the daddy/birth partner only so I suppose I should count my blessings.
On another note, Matt and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary last week. We were at the beach with my family and I woke up on the morning of our anniversary to Matt telling me to put my glasses on. He had the laptop sitting on the bed and started a slideshow as soon as I was able to open my eyes and focus. There were pictures of us throughout the past several years we've been together while "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds Five played in the background. Maybe it was partly the pregnancy hormones, but I couldn't stop crying as pictures of us flashed across the screen. We just looked so young and I realized how much we've grown up together. We've been together about 7 and a half years total now. And though we didn't exactly plan it this way, I told him that I felt like the 5 year wedding anniversary milestone was the perfect time to make the transition from "couple" to "family".
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
35 weeks (well, almost)
Just about one more month to go (um, yikes)!
I had my 35 week check-up today and met the last doctor in the practice that I needed to meet. Honestly? I liked them all. There are some I liked better than others, but no one that I met and thought Oh my gosh, this person cannot deliver my baby. But. There is one doctor in the practice that has a little trouble with eye contact. Basically, she looks right past you when talking to you. It's the weirdest thing. I sometimes try to discretely shift into her line of vision while she's chatting with me, but to no avail. She still looks away. So that might be a little awkward come delivery time but nothing I can't deal with.
So what's on the agenda at my next appointment? To sum it up, lots of swabbing. I'll have my first cervix check and will also be getting a vaginal and rectal swab. I know, I know- I'm a lucky girl. It's to test for Strep B, which is standard. Still- call me immature, but the words rectal swab really made me cringe.
And since I've used the word "rectal" a few too many times in this post, I will try to make up for it by leaving you with some of my maternity shots from the beach. Call it even?
I had my 35 week check-up today and met the last doctor in the practice that I needed to meet. Honestly? I liked them all. There are some I liked better than others, but no one that I met and thought Oh my gosh, this person cannot deliver my baby. But. There is one doctor in the practice that has a little trouble with eye contact. Basically, she looks right past you when talking to you. It's the weirdest thing. I sometimes try to discretely shift into her line of vision while she's chatting with me, but to no avail. She still looks away. So that might be a little awkward come delivery time but nothing I can't deal with.
So what's on the agenda at my next appointment? To sum it up, lots of swabbing. I'll have my first cervix check and will also be getting a vaginal and rectal swab. I know, I know- I'm a lucky girl. It's to test for Strep B, which is standard. Still- call me immature, but the words rectal swab really made me cringe.
And since I've used the word "rectal" a few too many times in this post, I will try to make up for it by leaving you with some of my maternity shots from the beach. Call it even?
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Unemployment
Friday, October 2nd was my last day at the job I've worked at since graduating from college over 6 years ago. As expected, there were a million different emotions that went along with moving on from a place where I really feel like I grew up-- mainly sadness to leave some of the best co-workers (and friends) ever and excitement about this next chapter in my life.
I kicked off my first week of unemployment by taking a trip to the beach with my family. We had a great time and my very talented sister even took my maternity pictures while we were there (which I promise to post very soon). But, for now, I wanted to give you a taste of the unemployed life (well, at least until Camden arrives...then I'm pretty sure my unemployed life will not even remotely resemble this picture):
I kicked off my first week of unemployment by taking a trip to the beach with my family. We had a great time and my very talented sister even took my maternity pictures while we were there (which I promise to post very soon). But, for now, I wanted to give you a taste of the unemployed life (well, at least until Camden arrives...then I'm pretty sure my unemployed life will not even remotely resemble this picture):
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