When I was pregnant with Camden, I thought very little about
where he was going to sleep. It just wasn't something that crossed my mind. Sure, we purchased and assembled the crib in his nursery. We borrowed a bassinet from a friend. We even were given an Arms Reach Co-Sleeper which was stationed right next to my side of the bed. I just figured we'd do a trial & error type deal to determine where he slept best.
It started in the hospital. After being released from the Special Care nursery, Camden came to spend the night in my post-partum room. He was swaddled & sleeping in his tiny plastic hospital-issued bassinet. Matt was asleep in the reclining chair next to my bed. I laid awake, alternately staring wide-eyed at my brand spankin' new baby, and staring at at the ceiling, begging for sleep to come. When it didn't come in an hour or two, I picked up my tiny bundle from the bassinet & held his little sleeping form in my arms. I remember being nervous that the on-call nurse would walk by my room & scold me for sleeping with my baby. After only a few minutes of cradling him in my arms, I was fast asleep. Finally.
When we came home, I'd occasionally put Camden in his bassinet to sleep. Every now and then, we'd lay him down in his Arms Reach co-sleeper for a nap. At night, though, he inevitably ended up in our bed-- usually in the wee hours of the morning. Yes, it did make night nursing easier & more efficient. But mostly? He slept better &
I slept better with his tiny swaddled body close to mine.
Thus, a co-sleeping baby was born. Unintentionally, but it happened just the same. When Camden became more aware of his surroundings & who he was sleeping with, he went from sleeping in 5-6 hour stretches to waking up every 2-3 hours all night long. This transition took place when he was 3 months old. And it lasted until he was 14 months old, when we made the difficult decision to sleep train him. (Yes, it's true-- I woke up every 2-3 hours all night long for a year.)
I think part of my unwillingness to sleep train Camden came from my strong feeling of connection towards the Attachment Parenting movement and everything they stand for (Duh, who
doesn't want to raise a child who grows up to be a secure, loving, and attached adult?). I'd find AP sites & blogs flooded with information about how sleep training (and, specifically, the "cry it out" method of sleep training) harms a baby's attachment towards his/her parents and, even worse, can cause long term emotional damage. It's not that I necessarily
thought that these people were right. It was more like I was
scared that they might be.
And so, I forged ahead, trying everything I could think of to help Camden sleep better without sleep training him. I read the "No Cry Sleep Solution". I moved him to a mattress on the floor of
our bedroom. I night weaned him. I slept with him on a mattress on the floor in
his room. Nothing worked. While I was no longer nursing him back to sleep every two hours at night, he was still waking just the same. There were also many other inconveniences that went along with co-sleeping. I reverted back to my first grade bedtime of 8:30 just so I could try to piece together enough broken sleep to be relatively functional the next morning. When Camden woke during the night, he'd only fall back asleep if my arm was wrapped firmly around him. A few minutes later, he'd be sleeping peacefully & I'd be attempting to wiggle my numb, tingly arm out from under him without waking him up for the 50th time. Basically? It just wasn't working for us. At all.
Then, in January, I started having heart palpitations several times a day, every day. Believe it or not, they are a very common side effect of sleep deprivation. I don't mention this to be dramatic; heart palpitations are rarely dangerous. But it just shows what a toll long term sleep deprivation can take on the body. It was time for a change. I hated it, but I was sure of it.
The rest of the details have been fairly well chronicled on this blog: I enlisted Matt's help, he became a Rockstar Sleep Trainer, & now Camden sleeps. Pretty darn well (knock on wood a million times). In his crib.
Want to know a little secret? We let him cry. I know, I know. I said I would never, ever, EVER do it. And then we did. And the world didn't implode. Even better? My son still loves me just the same. (Clarification: We didn't do traditional CIO. Rather, when Camden woke during the night, we'd give him a few minutes to work it out himself instead of sprinting full speed to his cribside. Most of the time, he'd put himself right back to sleep within a few minutes. Win.)
I think it's important to clarify that I am absolutely not knocking co-sleeping. I've read about plenty of moms who are able to get a full night's rest while co-sleeping because they're able to sleep straight through their baby's nursing sessions. For these moms, I can understand how long term co-sleeping works & makes sense. I'm simply not one of them. There are also toddlers out there who can sleep with their parents and not fall into the waking-every-few-hours trap. I know this because my oldest nephew was a co-sleeper who also slept through the night. Camden, however, is
not one of those toddlers.
And, so, while I'll always hold our co-sleeping experience close to my heart, it was time for it to come to an end. My days of being a functional zombie are officially over. Until our next child comes along anyway.
