EI Assessment

I prepped and prepped and prepped Camden's for today's developmental assessment. "Remember Miss Jane?" I asked him repeatedly. "She's coming to your house today. And she's bringing a friend. They're going to play toys with you!"

I'm telling you-- if you have a shy kid like mine, this prepatory stuff really helps. Camden knew what to expect. He waited anxiously at the window for his "friends" to arrive. Of course, he was still initially shy when they came in the house, hiding on my shoulder and peeking up at them occasionally. Today, we had the EI Coordinator, the developmental therapist, and a pediatrician doing her residency at Duke at our house (the pediatrician was there for training purposes).

I can't speak highly enough about the therapist. An older woman with a soft voice and kind eyes, it was immediately obvious that she had years of experience with children. She sat across the room from Camden, so she wouldn't be intruding on his personal space. She slowly took toys out of a suitcase and slid them across the floor to Camden so she could let him make the first move. Perfect for handling a slow-to-warm-up temperament.

She had Camden perform several tasks and activities: coloring with crayons, stacking blocks, playing with a toy train, putting small objects into a narrow container, pretending to drink from a plastic cup, playing with a bowl and spoon, pointing to pictures in a book, and many more. She also asked me a series of questions about his overall development ("Can he run?", "Can he walk backwards?", "Does he walk up stairs?", "Does he point when you ask him where something is?", "Does he throw tantrums?", "Does he follow simple instructions?"). She also carefully observed Camden and took notes.

Camden was a bit reserved, but complied with almost all of her requests (one exception? He had zero interest in feeding the baby doll a bottle. I told the therapist I'm sure this is because he's never been around an infant and he has no clue what a bottle is). He did prefer some tasks over others (he loved the bowl, spoon, book, and block activities) but mostly, she was able to keep him interested and engaged.

She then tallied up Camden's assessment and read the scores to me. I'm a little unclear how many areas of assessment there were (maybe 5?) but I know she listed the following categories: Communication, Social/Emotional Development, Cognitive Development, Adaptability, and Motor Skills. I might be missing a category or two, and it's possible that some of the above categories were lumped together. But you get the point. To qualify for EI services, a child has to have a significant delay in one major area, or a delay in 2 or more areas of development.  A score from 90-100 is considered normal and on-target for a particular child's age. Camden scored a 78 in communication. And those 78 points he scored? All receptive language skills (ability to understand people, shake his head no in response to questions, follow instructions, etc.). So, my gut instinct was right and Camden's communication is a bit below average for his age (he scored normally in every other area).

However, Camden's collective score in all areas of development was too high to qualify for EI Services and his delay in communication was not significant enough to qualify by itself. It was a strange mixture of disappointment and relief when I heard that news. But then the therapist surprised me by saying that even though Camden didn't technically qualify for services based on his scores, she was willing to make a clinician's recommendation that he have a speech evaluation with a speech pathologist through EI. Great news.

So, our next step is to wait to hear from the speech pathologist who will then come out to our house to do a more in-depth speech evaluation (instead of a total developmental assessment like today). She will then either recommend speech therapy through EI or, if she feels he's too young for that, she might give us some tasks that we can focus on at home with him.

I kept putting off calling EI for various reasons over the past few months and let me just say this: I am so glad I finally did it. I was impressed with the experience and professionalism of the therapist today and it was validating that my concerns about Camden's speech were finally taken seriously instead of dismissed. An added bonus: Camden got what he thought was a fun playdate out of the deal. So if you're out there worrying about your child in one way or another and are debating a phone call to EI, I say pick up that phone. I have nothing but positive things to say about our experience thus far.

I'll keep everyone posted on the upcoming speech evaluation.

Softening the blow with cute pictures.

Yesterday afternoon, I walked into the bathroom to find this scene: Camden getting the toilet bowl cleaner out of the cabinet, squirting some in the toilet, putting the cleaner back in its place in the cabinet, and then getting out the toilet brush and cleaning the bowl. Seriously.

He was quite pleased with himself.

No less than 10 minutes later, we had made our way downstairs and Camden was playing under my feet in the kitchen as I prepped dinner for the night. Then there was silence. I looked up from my dicing and chopping to find this:

Yes, that's my kitchen table. Yes, Camden is standing on it, quite triumphantly I might add.

(Yes, I do realize my child is missing an important wardrobe piece in these pictures. In my defense, Camden had just gotten up from a nap and I simply hadn't put his shorts back on yet. I didn't know there were going to be so many photo ops taking place that afternoon. Normally, my kid wears pants. Promise.)

And finally, it's impossible to stay mad at my mischievous toddler because who could possibly stay mad when looking at this face? No one, that's who.

(Ten years from now, he'll probably roll his eyes and think to himself, Couldn't Mom at least maybe SHOWER before taking a picture with me? This is humiliating. So, I'll just have to get the frumpy mom pictures out of the way now while he still loves me regardless of my state of frump.)

In other awesome news (or not...), it's highly likely that Matt's old, trusty clunker of a car died last night (it's at the shop now, getting diagnosed). That'll put us in the market for a new car, since a) there's no point in paying big money to repair a car that's maybe worth $2,000 anyway and b) if we're going to add Baby Dos to our family one day, we'll need a bigger car than the one I currently drive. It'll be painful to go from having zero car payments to coughing up that monthly fee again, but you do what you have to do. Oh, and also? We're pretty certain that our freezer is dying a slow and painful death right now too. That's what its loud, dramatic moans seem to be saying. Good thing we like forking over several thousand dollars all at once...

In the meantime, I'll just keep revisiting the cute that is the pictures posted above in hopes of softening the blow to our wallets.

Well, we survived.

And, really, we did more than survive. We actually had fun. It was a good weekend.

It didn't get off to the best start, though. For a couple of nights prior to our trip, Camden started night-waking again. And he had a runny nose, the beginnings of a cold. Perfect timing, right?

After checking his temperature 700 times and being reassured by my mom that it was okay if he woke up during the night while I was gone, I reluctantly headed out on Saturday morning. My sister-in-law rode with me and the steady flow of our conversation was a nice distraction for me. We stopped halfway to Northern Virginia to visit my grandmother in Richmond. We showed up bearing treats-- a cheeseburger, a chocolate shake, and a picture of Camden-- since Grandma had just had surgery earlier in the week and I thought she could use some cheering up.

My dad has always thought that Camden resembles my grandfather who passed away 2 years ago when I was still pregnant, but there's one picture in particular where the resemblance is especially strong. And so, I made sure to choose that picture for Grandma. When she opened it, she said, "I bet that's exactly what Papa looked like as a little boy."

We made it to the hotel in Northern Virginia a couple of hours prior to the start of the wedding-- perfect timing. I'll admit that it was nice to relax in a quiet hotel room and get all dressed up without constantly looking over my shoulder to see what mischief my busy toddler was creating.

The ceremony, the cocktail hour, the reception-- it was all so nice. I did have one very powerful I miss Camden so much moment and it occurred, predictably, during the father-daughter dance. Those dances always make me emotional anyway, but watching the way that father looked at his daughter, I started having visions of Matt and me dancing at Camden's wedding in 25 years. He was proud of his daughter-- that much was obvious-- but there was also a sadness in his eyes, probably a longing for the little girl she once was. And I was reminded once again how quickly it all goes by.

Don't worry, though-- I wiped the tears from my eyes quickly and spent the vast majority of the rest of the night on the dance floor in heels that were much too tall. Matt humored me and broke out his best white boy moves. We collapsed into bed, exhausted, around 11pm and were up the next day at the crack of dawn so we could hit the road and get home to our boy.

When we arrived, he was grumpy and exhausted, worn out from a fun weekend (and a late night!) with his Nan. But I have never been so happy to see him, tantrums and all.

We're back to our normal routine now, and I'm glad. It suits us. A break from the every day is good (and much-needed) sometimes, but our every day lives around here? Well, they're pretty darn good too...minus the bronchitis that Matt brought back as a souvenir from our trip. That just sucks.

Happy Father's Day

Dear Daddy,

You were the first person I saw when I came into this world 19 months ago and I loved you from the very first moment I laid eyes on you.

I couldn't have hand-picked a better daddy for myself. Thank you for teaching me how to play football, and letting me help you water the garden. Thank you for making me laugh like crazy when you chase me around the house. Thanks for taking me outside every evening when you get home from work to help you check the mail. Thank you for letting me ride on your shoulders, for spinning me around, and for putting me up on that high shelf that I like. Thank you for all of the silly songs and dances that you make up that make me smile. Thank you for working hard so that Mommy can stay home with me. And thanks for always telling me that I'm your favorite little guy.

(I might not be able to say all of these things to you yet, but I promise you that I feel them.)

I love you, Daddy. Happy Father's Day.

Love, Camden

Dad,

I've said it countless times over the years, but Father's Day seems like a fitting time to say it again: thank you.

Thank you for working your ass off for 30+ years to provide for our family. Because of your ambition and tremendous work ethic, Lauren, Chris, and I had a lot of opportunities that others didn't have.

Thank you for every time you stood on the sidelines at my soccer games (I was always glad to have you there, even if I tuned out your "helpful" yelling).

Thank you for always being the voice of reason in my life. Growing up, your logical points of view were a necessary contrast to my teenage emotion.

Thank you for teaching me "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Invaluable advice.

Thank you for loving my mom. I read somewhere that the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. And you do that well.

And, of course, thank you for being such a good "Pop" to Camden.

Happy Father's Day.

Love,
Kerri

Leavin on a jet plane (or in an Acura. Whichever.)

This weekend will mark the first night I've spent apart from Camden in nearly 19 months. Matt is heading out tomorrow morning and then my sister-in-law and I will head out early Saturday morning to make the trek back to my hometown in Northern Virginia for the wedding of a family friend.

Camden will be staying with his Nan (my mom), whom he adores. And, to avoid disrupting his schedule more than it already will be with Mommy & Daddy missing, they'll be staying at our house.

I remember back when my sister's oldest child was a toddler and she had my mom babysit. She'd leave detailed instructions for my mom and I'd roll my eyes and think Mom raised 3 children. You think she needs a manual for this type of thing?!

Guess what I spent 30 minutes typing up last night? Yep. My very own detailed Camden Manual. And I learned what my sister knew back then: it's not I don't trust my mom to care for Camden (outside of Matt & me, I don't think there's anyone better suited for the task). It's that Camden has a predictable routine each day, and unless you spend 24 hours a day with him like I do, you wouldn't know which Mickey Mouse episode is his most favorite, or that when he looks at you and says "Ppp, ppp, ppp", he wants you to pick him up. It's these little every day details that comprise the manual.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a tiny bit nervous about this weekend. Separation anxiety isn't only for toddlers, you know. But I'm also looking forward to having adult conversation, a nice dinner, and maybe a glass (or two) of red wine.

Wish me luck. Wish Camden luck. And mostly, wish Nan luck.

(Father's Day post coming next week, since our celebration will be delayed due to this trip.)

Speech Therapy

At 12 months, Camden had one word and I said I'd see what kind of progress he'd made at 15 months before I made a decision about whether or not I wanted to consider a speech evaluation. At 15 months, Camden had 3 words and I said we'd give it a few more months-- until his 18 month appointment-- before I looked into that evaluation. At his 18 month check-up, I told Camden's pediatrician that he maybe has 5 words, and I'm not entirely sure that he's using those 5 meaningfully. His pediatrician, as you might remember, said that he's on the verge of a language breakthrough and that he'd be talking my ear off by age 2.

True as that may be, I decided to silence the little nagging voice in the back of my mind and go ahead and contact our local Early Intervention office to request a speech evaluation. Our local branch is called the Infant-Toddler program and, unfortunately, is not a free service, like it is in most states. In North Carolina, the initial meeting to collect info is free and the assessment with a developmental specialist is also free. However, if your child qualifies for the program, whatever therapies they might recommend are on a sliding-fee scale based on family income. Based on Matt's income, we'd still be responsible for paying 60% of the cost of therapy. Not exactly ideal, but I'm thankful we wouldn't be responsible for 100%.

I was nervous about our initial meeting yesterday because, as we all know, Camden is very slow to warm up around adults he doesn't know. Of course, I prepped Camden that a visitor was coming over to talk to Mommy and that she would say hello to him and maybe play with some of his toys. Predictably, he clung to me tightly for the first 5 minutes after her arrival. He laid his head on my shoulder and peaked up at her shyly. She was great about respecting his temperament-- she talked to me and paid no attention to him until he was warmed up. To my surprise, after those initial 5 shy minutes passed, Camden jumped out of my lap and begin to put on quite the show for the coordinator. He pulled out every single one of his toys and grinned at her while he played with each one. He also brought a couple of toys over to her, an invitation to play. My little shy guy turned into a show-off. In fact, the coordinator labeled him "charming" and "a flirt".

We'll have our actual assessment on June 27th and I'm a bit more hesitant about that meeting since 3 people will be involved. I hope it's not overwhelming for Camden, but I have confidence in their experience in dealing with slow to warm up children. The assessment will be a total developmental assessment even though speech is our only area of concern (that's just their policy, which makes sense). Afterwards, they'll let us know if he qualifies for the program (to qualify, a child must have at least a 30% delay in one area, or a 20% delay in 2 or more areas). I would expect that Camden will qualify because I'm fairly certain he has at least a 30% expressive communication delay. However, if they lump both receptive and expressive communication into one category, he might not qualify. Camden's receptive language skills are, and always have been, excellent.

If he qualifies for services, they'll lay out a plan of action for him. The coordinator told me that they would most likely recommend either speech therapy, or, if they feel he's too young for that, play therapy. Play therapy focuses on imitation and some initial skills that come before expressive speech. Unfortunately, play therapy is not covered by insurance, whereas speech therapy likely would be.

So far, I am pleasantly pleased with our EI experience. She even gave me a helpful tip before leaving. Camden wanted me to help him put crayons back in the box, and let out a frustrated whine/yell noise when I was talking to the coordinator instead of helping him. I reacted instantly and started helping him put his crayons away. The coordinator asked me if he makes that frustrated sound a lot and I told her that he does, especially the older he gets. She said that I need to stop responding to his whines instantly and giving him what he wants right away because I'm not giving him an opportunity to try to use his expressive language; I'm just anticipating his needs or reacting the second he whines (yep-- totally guilty of that). "He's a smart guy," she told me, "And he's realized all he needs to do is yell and Mommy comes running."

So, even if nothing comes of this whole EI experience, at least I was made aware of certain parenting techniques that I need to adjust to help his language develop. Also, one of Matt's co-workers is close friends with a toddler speech therapist and she recommended a book for us to read and sent some paperwork home with parenting tips for late-talking children.

I do realize that it's entirely possible (and maybe even likely) that he's just a late talker, like around 25%  of boys are. And I also realize that he might've caught up on his own by age 2 without any help or intervention. But, I do feel good knowing that I'm doing everything I can to help with his language development. Maybe it's my Type A personality, but I don't feel comfortable taking a wait-and-see approach when it comes to the most important thing in the world to me: my son.