Camden's a Kindergarten Grad and I'm a Better Blogger

I started this blog in 2008 as a way to vent and air my feelings associated with infertility. Through blogging, I found a community of infertility bloggers that could relate to what I was going through. As time went on (and I eventually had two children), I started to use the blog as a way to discuss parenting triumphs and woes. I told a few people about the blog. Matt told a few people. Then I partnered with a publishing network to make (a tiny bit of) money; Matt and I told even more people about my blog because, you know, page views equal dollar signs. What I didn't realize I was doing, though, was losing my space; my blog became a public diary of sorts and I (subconsciously at first, and then quite consciously) started watering down what I would write about because, well, I'm a fairly private person and didn't feel like having real-life friends reading about every detail of our lives. And then there was my kids' privacy to consider. As Camden got older, I started to worry about posts related to poop withholding and stranger anxiety and other things that might potentially embarrass Camden should a classmate happen across my blog somehow. So, my posts became generic and downright boring in their lack of detail. Changing my privacy settings is my attempt to combat that feeling of oversharing my life. I miss this space being my own. Writing has always been therapeutic for me. And I want to be able to give all the gory details of raising these two amazing kids.

First up: Camden's kindergarten graduation. After all, that's what prompted me to change my privacy settings. I wanted to write about his graduation, but I didn't feel like I could do it justice without discussing the struggles of this school year. And I didn't feel like I could do that with a public blog. So anyway, here it goes:

The beginning of kindergarten was rough. Camden had a hard time adjusting. I'm sure part of that was just his slow-to-warm-up temperament, but I think part of it also was adjusting to the long day. He only went to preschool 3 days per week for half a day so going to school 5 days a week from 8:30-3:30 was quite a shock to his little system. He had one friend from the neighborhood in his class and he clung to that friend for dear life. When that friend missed school (which seemed to happen a lot), Camden would absolutely panic. There was one day in particular when his friend's mom drove them to school and decided that Camden's friend, Blake, was too sick to stay at school and would have to return home. I remember Blake's mom calling me and sounding so helpless, saying she was stuck in the school parking lot because Camden wouldn't go in the classroom without Blake. Then there was the "specials" drama. Specials are classes like Art, Music, Spanish, and PE. Camden finally decided he was okay with his regular teacher, Ms. Holder, but did not, under any circumstances, want to go to specials. I remember Ms. Holder calling me and saying she could always tell when it was getting close to specials time, because Camden would nervously scoot closer and closer to her on the carpet until he was practically sitting on her feet. On one day, she had to sit in Art class with him.

I felt totally helpless as a mom. There was nothing I could do to control or help the situation from home. I remember lying in bed one night with Camden next to me. He cried and cried, telling me he did not want to go back to kindergarten. I put on the bravest face I could and told him it would get better, he just needed to give it some time. Then I kissed him goodnight, rolled onto my side away from him, and cried myself to sleep.

Thankfully, with time, things did get better. Camden has always made friends easily and kindergarten was no exception. Several of his classmates gravitated to him, but he made one best friend in particular named Christopher. This was a huge relief to me (and probably his teacher too!) because it meant that we didn't have to go into damage control mode every time Blake missed school. He had other friends in the classroom, which is super important to a slow-to-warm-up kid.

I ended up doing field study hours in Camden's classroom for a few months in the beginning of the year. Observing him in that environment was eye-opening for me. I've always said Camden is just like me: reserved and cautious. He is like me in those ways, but in so many ways, he's not like me. As I observed his class, I watched with admiration as Camden raised his hand to volunteer answers to questions. I was pleasantly surprised to see him dance without a trace of self-consciousness during Brain Breaks. As a kid, I was painfully shy. I would never, under any circumstances, participate in class unless I was forced to. I was strangely relieved to see that Camden didn't seem to feel as acutely self-conscious as I always did in school.

Academically, he excelled. His report cards were consistently A's and B's (well, 3s and 4s, but same difference). He pretty routinely got all A's across academic areas while the B's were reserved for specials. The comment sections on his report card were littered with compliments like "perfect student", "sweet kid", "respectful", and all those things that make a parent feel like they must be doing something right. His standardized test scores weren't stellar, but it's kindergarten and I'm not going to dwell on that.

Final thoughts: I'm so proud of how far this kid has come. He's more confident, he's reading two levels above grade level, he has so many friends, and he's just all around a really good kid. (That's not to say there aren't days that he tests his limits, pushes my buttons, and has attitude worthy of a teenager, because that definitely happens sometimes too.)

But man, I love that kid.