Meet my baby boy

The "big reveal" was yesterday and what a great day it was. I had so much anxiety leading up to this ultrasound because, well, I'm a little crazy if you haven't gathered that already. All I wanted to hear was that this baby is healthy and growing at the appropriate rate. During the ultrasound, I watched intensely as the ultrasound tech observed and measured each body part and I breathed a sigh of relief each time she said, "Looks good", or moved quickly on to another body part. I was so involved in watching her take all of the measurements that it actually slipped my mind that we were finding out the gender (meanwhile, Matt and my mom were practically dying of anticipation).

Then, the big news:
"Well, you want to hear the gender? Do you see it?" she asked us. As soon as she said, "it", I knew. "It's a little boy!" she confirmed after we reassured her that we did want to find out.

I have never, ever in all of our seven years together seen Matt so excited. He did a little victory dance around the room before settling back down.

As for me? I got so emotional when I heard the news. The only way I can explain my reaction is that finally, at long last, I am letting myself believe in this pregnancy. And I feel so much more connected to my little guy now- almost as if I already know him.

And, without further ado, here he is!

Pic 1: The ultrasound tech didn't have any doubt that our son is, in fact, a boy.

Pic 2: Check out this cute little profile! I am in love.

Pic 3: I was a little disappointed that his face wasn't clearer when she switched to 4d mode, but I couldn't pass up posting this picture because of his hand! He kept wiping his eyes. So, so precious.

To You, Part 2

To You,

Several months ago, before you were even conceived, I wrote a letter to you. I was stuck in the middle of one of the biggest trials of my life, yet somehow I still knew that one day I would get to meet you. It was not an easy road getting to this point, but nothing worth having ever comes easily, right?

Back then, I wrote that I didn't know who you are. I didn't know when you would come. I didn't know what you would look like.

Now I know the answer to all of these things. You are my son. You are going to be part of our family- even more so than you already are- in November. And you look perfect. You have your daddy's long and skinny legs. You have my hand gestures. You have a precious little profile.

You see, it's sometimes hard to find the reason for the trials we go through in life. But I found my reason in you. And you know something else? I would go through every moment of the past 2 years all over again now that I know it brought me you.

I love you and I'll see you soon.

Love,
Mommy

***

I saw this quote on a friend's blog a few months back (hi Courtney). For me, it really sums up this entire journey we've been on:

"Our life is but a tapestry and we can only see the underneath- a conglomeration of colorful threads and what seems to be plenty of mistakes. But then, at the completion, the Master Weaver turns the tapestry over to its right side and the most beautiful design is displayed."

Times are a changin...

So. Apparently there are some very ordinary activities of daily life that become complicated challenges when pregnant. Read: I am starting to get f-a-t. Not huge, mind you, and I'm still not sure that I appear pregnant to strangers (I still think most of them think I need to cut back on the six packs)...but I'm a small girl to begin with, so learning to navigate through life with a large bump protruding out of my stomach has been an experience.

Example 1:
I can't make it through a day at work without unbuttoning the top button of my pants and maybe even unzipping my zipper a little (don't worry- I typically wear longer maternity shirts. So I'm not being totally inappropriate, just slightly tacky). Why not buy maternity pants, you ask? Well, because, those are too big for me still! So, basically, I fit into nothing right now; I am either too big or too small for everything. Why not invest in a bella band, you ask? Um, because I'm lazy and just haven't looked into it?

Example 2:
Now, I'm not a file clerk so this isn't overly problematic. But I interview people quite a bit throughout a normal workday, and once I process their files and applications, I generally file them myself. If your last name starts with the letters A-M? We're good. I can file your file without feeling like I've just been through an excruciating workout. But if you're a Smith or a Thompson? I pretty much hate you. Because bending down to file is bad enough, but standing back up afterwards- holy wow. Not an easy task.

Example 3:
Another work related problem. So, pregnancy causes heartburn. I knew this early on. I wasn't surprised when it started happening to me. What has become an issue, though, is when I'm on the phone with a potential candidate and I'm halfway through a sentence and realize that oh my gosh, I am going to burp- like right this very second. On the phone with this candidate. And it can't be stopped. It's not pretty.

But when I see his or her little face on Monday?? It'll just reaffirm that every discomfort-big or small- is absolutely, 100%, without a doubt totally and completely worth it.

Catchin' Up

Really? It's been a whole week since my last entry? I'm such a slacker.

Well, in my defense, it was a busy week. Also, I apparently can't stay up past 9pm anymore. Well, with the exception of last Friday night, when I stayed up until 1:30am (!!) playing Rock Band and SingStar with Matt, my brother, my sister, and my brother-in-law. Hey, sometimes you gotta suck it up and take one for the team. After all, there's no way my sister could've performed such a rousing rendition of Foreigner's "I Want to Know What Love Is" without my help.

So, obviously my baby brother was in town visiting from Chicago. I got to spend a good amount of time with him, though it never seems like enough. Cheesy as it sounds, it's so fun to watch the person he's becoming. He's 8 years younger than me and is just now starting to seem like a "grown up" to me.

Chris (my brother) was in town to help celebrate my nephew's 4th birthday. It's hard to believe that it was 4 years ago that we were sitting in that hospital waiting room for hours on end. Having my own child was still pretty far off in my thoughts at that point, but I was so thrilled to meet my little nephew. Now, 4 years later, he's his own little person full of questions and opinions. He's also very anxious to meet his new cousin. This is the conversation we had yesterday:

Jacob: Terri, is your baby out of your belly yet?
Me: Jacob, look at my belly. Does it look big and round to you?
Jacob: Uh huh.
Me: That means my baby hasn't come out yet.
Jacob: But why not?
Me: Because my baby's very little. It's got to get a lot bigger before it comes out.
Jacob: But I want her to come out now!

Her. Yep, he said that. A child's intuition? We shall see...in one week.

We also celebrated Father's Day while Chris was in town. It was kind of a bittersweet day for my dad, I'm sure, as it marked his first Father's Day without his own father. My mom's Father's Day card to my dad said that he is a "great father who was raised by another great father". Amen to that. My dad worked his butt off at the same bank for 30 years to provide for my family and, because of that, my brother, sister, and I were able to have a lot of opportunities that our peers didn't. I always tried my best to never take that for granted.

And, of course, we can't forget that it was Matt's first Father's Day! I got him the cutest little onesie (well, I didn't get it for him; the thought of him in a onesie is actually a little disturbing). But it's adorable and gender neutral and says "I love my daddy". So.freakin.cute.

And there you have it: the reasons why I've been a blog slacker. I'll do better, I promise.

Seven days and counting until the Big Reveal.

I caved.

Or, more accurately: I caved with a little bit of help from my mom.

Shockingly, up to this point, I have fought the urge to rent a fetal doppler to help maintain my sanity between appointments. (Side note: I think waiting one month between doctor's visits is probably a long time for any pregnant woman, but it seems especially long for those of us who were used to our frequent, attentive care from our REs.)

I have fought the urge, primarily because Matt was so against the idea. Seems like an odd thing to be against, right? Well...not really if you know me. And my tendency to worry about anything. And everything. Matt's main concern has always been that if I rented one, and couldn't find the heartbeat one day, I would absolutely freak. Valid point.

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon. My mom sends me an email, telling me she and my dad would like to rent a fetal doppler for me, but only if Matt would be okay with it too. (Another side note: Have I mentioned lately that my parents are wonderful? Because they really, really are.) Anyway, after much coaxing, convincing, and compromising, I was able to convince Matt that having a fetal doppler in our house would not make me a paranoid nutcase.

On another note, I'm including a belly shot that my sister took over the weekend at my Grandpa's surprise 80th birthday party in Virginia. I know it's not time for another belly update, but Lauren's just such a good photographer that I had to post it anyway.

Belly Update

How far along? 17 weeks, 2 days

Total weight gain/ loss: At my last appointment, I was up 5.5 lbs. I have a suspicion that I'm up at least a few more pounds since then though.

Maternity clothes: Pretty much exclusively. I do have a few pairs of old pants I can fit into- pants that were extremely low-rise to begin with.

Stretch marks? Nah.

Sleep? Pretty much the same. Bathroom trips are a regular part of my night. We invested in a Sleep Number bed today which I am absolutely thrilled about!!

Best moment this week: Having my 4-year-old nephew ask me if my baby is out of my belly yet, then having him come over & rub my belly. So cute.

Food cravings: See last post. They're not cravings so much as things I can just tolerate. I am pretty obsessed with root beer & chocolate milk though.

Gender: No clue. I've said "him" a few times when referring to Baby this week...not that I think that really means anything.

Labor Signs: Uh, no.

Belly button in or out: Innie!

What I miss: The day I give birth, I would like to have a cold sub & a large sweet tea.

What I am looking forward to: June 29th can not get here soon enough (the big u/s)!

Milestones: I should feel movement soon...I have felt some "flutters" here & there so far. Not sure if that counts as movement though.

Veggies? No thanks, Mom.

So. I have started to notice a pattern developing over the past few weeks. As I entered the second trimester, my morning sickness did start to fade. But it did not disappear entirely. I'd wake up and feel totally fine for 4 or 5 mornings in a row. Then the next morning- wham!- I'd clutch my hands over my mouth as I made a desperate sprint towards the bathroom.

As this strange new pattern developed, I started to think about what I'd had to eat the nights prior to my sudden bouts of morning sickness recurrence. Every single time, I had eaten veggies- and usually raw veggies. Just a coincidence, I convinced myself last night as I bought a veggie sub from my favorite sub shop, Jimmy John's.

And this morning? You guessed it. I was standing at the back door in my robe, waiting as Maggie took care of business. And then it happened. My mouth started watering, the gag reflex kicked in, and Maggie was left standing alone in the backyard.

I'm left to draw one conclusion here: this kid hates veggies. His or her mom? She loves them! But right now, my body is not my own. It belongs to someone else. Someone who apparently hates veggies with a fiery passion.

You know what this kid does not hate? Brownies. Teddy Grahams. Ice cream. Root beer. Chocolate milk. Macaroni and cheese. Chocolate anything. Think my doctor will approve of my new diet?

Yeah, me either.

Where I'm At

I'll be 17 weeks tomorrow (and I promise that a new belly picture is coming soon). 17 weeks. In a way, it feels like just yesterday that I was injecting myself with Gonal-F before dinner each night. It feels like I just saw that second (very faint) pink line on my cheap internet HPT. And I can still remember very clearly the crushing blow I felt when the nurse at my RE's office called and told me that my hCG levels did not increase in an ideal manner. I left work early that day, feeling truly defeated for the first time in this whole journey.

And yet, Baby O stuck around. I am 17 weeks pregnant, which is almost 20 weeks, which is almost halfway through this pregnancy. I still worry, a lot. I think I still only partially believe that I am actually going to be a mom in November. When will this all stop feeling so surreal? At my 20 week ultrasound when I find out if Baby O is a boy or a girl? The day I go into labor? The moment I first hold Baby O in my arms?

I'm excited. And thankful, hopeful, nervous, exhausted, anxious, a little bit moody (stupid hormones), and maybe a tad overwhelmed.

But mostly, just excited.

The Big Reveal!!!!

So, June 29th is the day big day. Then we can start seriously picking out names. And buying baby clothes. And painting the nursery. And we can refer to the baby as "him" or "her". I am beyond thrilled.

I had my standard check-up today (and remembered to pee in the cup!). This is the first time I met with one of the doctors instead of the NP. She looked at my chart and said, "Wow, Kerri, you've been through a lot this year. Surgery in January, removal of endometriosis, starting injectable medications, an IUI, and a pregnancy all in the first half of the year?" Yes, it was a lot. And you know what? I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Speaking of heartbeats, Baby's was fast and strong and perfect today.

I am just...so thankful. Really, there's not a day that I don't wake up and understand how very lucky I am.