Yes, I've been in hiding again. It hasn't been the easiest past week or two for me.
Normally, I would preface this post by saying something along the lines of please don't think I'm complaining about this pregnancy, but...
I'm not going to do that anymore. Thanks to some good friends, I've come to accept that I don't need to justify the way I feel with a disclaimer. No, not even after going through infertility. Everyone knows I'm thankful for this pregnancy. That's not a secret.
But pregnancy is a time of change. Your body changes, your priorities change, your goals change, your marriage changes, and on and on. It's also a time of anticipation. You anticipate each major milestone of pregnancy; you anticipate labor and delivery; you anticipate those first few weeks after the baby arrives when you're in survival mode; you anticipate how your relationship with your spouse will change; you anticipate what kind of parent you'll be. In summary, you anticipate your future.
Pregnancy is also a time of astronomical amounts of hormones surging through the body. The result of these combinations of factors, at least in my case? Tremendous amounts of anxiety.
In a matter of a few short months, my world will be changing. I'll no longer be at the job I've worked at ever since graduating from college, six years ago. I'll be fully responsible for the happiness and well-being of a tiny, precious life. I'll be a mom.
I'm excited for these changes. I'm ready for them. But change is an interesting thing, accompanied by a dichotomy of emotions. And it's something that I've never been particularly good at.
But you know what? I'm learning, slowly but surely, that sometimes it's okay not to know. It doesn't need to be scary to not have all (or any) of the answers. Live and learn, right? And that's exactly where I am right now, in this moment.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
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7 comments:
I know how you feel. Different situations; but I understand the emotions that accompany change. Fear and Excitement join hands and make the strangest pair during that initial period when you are adjusting to everything.
As for being a mother, you are going to be wonderful! Granted, there will be a learning period, but you will be the best mom that precious little boy has ever known. You will offer him so much love... everything else will just fall into place in the right time!
Oh, and I'm glad you have dropped the disclaimer. We do all know how thankful you are for this pregnancy. That has never been in question. It's okay to share struggles every now and then!
Love,
Courtney
Very, very well said Kerri. (HUGS) Hope the last couple of days have been better.
Oh Kerri. You will be the best Mom. No, you won't know everything. No one does. But you are a quick learner and you have me ready at any moment to jump in and help when asked.
Fear of the unknown. A feeling we know all too well!
There's no doubt in my mind that there will be some things you won't know how to deal with on the first try. Because that happens to EVERY mother. And yes, things change after the birth of a child- but for me, every change has been for the better. Except maybe the sleeping part, but hey- it's worth it.
There's also no doubt in my mind that you will be a wonderful and amazing mom. Seriously.
In addition to having Mom on call, you also have a neighbor up the street who will want to help in any way she can! :)
you know, kurribird... it's a good thing you are feeling all these emotions. it's normal, it's what is supposed to happen. if you weren't, then we'd be worried. i think you are doing great... and you will be a wonderful mommy. :)
i love you!
I can completely relate to your post. I guess I didn't realize just how much things would change and I still don't fully comprehend it and won't until the baby comes. It's an exciting and scary time all at once. You're going to be a wonderful mom. I have no doubts about that.
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