Camden's follow-up appointment

We had Camden's follow-up appointment this afternoon to check on his weight gain. As you might remember, the pediatrician wanted to rule out hunger as the culprit behind his multiple night wakings. She was slightly concerned that he had dropped to the 20th percentile for weight, while he held steady in the 90th percentile for height. So, she recommended that I start making my own baby food (higher calorie & tastier than the Gerber stuff) so that Camden would be more interested in solids. She was hopeful that eating more during the day would lead to better sleeping at night. I was skeptical. I had always strongly suspected that his night waking had very little to do with hunger and a whole lot to do with comfort.

At his last appointment one month ago, Camden weighed 15 lbs, 12 oz. Today, he weighed 16 lbs, 13.5 oz. I have to admit that I panicked a bit when I saw that he was "only" 16 lbs. I worried that his gain wouldn't be good enough for the pediatrician & I could only imagine what her next recommendation would be. After all, I'm already feeding him solids 3 times a day. Would she prescribe snacks & dessert too? Thankfully, after glancing at his chart, she declared his weight gain was "perfect". A gigantic weight (ha, clever) was lifted from my shoulders. Then:

"So, how's he sleeping?" she asked me.
I sighed, feeling defeated. "Exactly the same."
She looked at me and asked cautiously, "How do you feel about letting him cry?"

And, you guys, I know this is so cheesy and dramatic, but as soon as she said those words (though I knew they were coming!) I got all misty-eyed and had to fight to hold back tears. And this pediatrician, who up to this point had not been my favorite person in the world, grabbed a box of tissues and looked at me with the most sympathetic eyes ever.

The rest of the meeting was kind of predictable. She went over the "cry it out" logistics with me. She told me that Matt should be in charge, that she never recommends her breastfeeding moms to handle the CIO training. Her reasoning? My smell.

"If you go in there," she explained, "He'll smell you. To him, you smell like a giant brownie. So it would be like dangling a brownie in front of his face & telling him he can't have it." While I've never pictured myself as a giant walking brownie before, I have to say that her reasoning made sense.

She also gave me the predictable "gift" speech. You know the one: "Teaching your baby to sleep is a gift you give him." She cited her insomniac husband who needs prescription medication to sleep as proof that sleep training saves a child from a lot of future frustration. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that it's important to know how to put yourself to sleep. But can someone please explain that to my son, who will only know that he's suddenly crying at night instead of being soothed back to sleep by his mommy? Oh, right. You can't explain that to Camden because he's 7 months old and does not understand.

As you can tell, I am still having incredibly mixed feelings about all of this. My ideal situation would be to continue co-sleeping (because Matt & I genuinely enjoy having him in bed with us) but somehow wean Camden from the all-night nursing marathons. Feeding him once or twice during the night would be a dream. I just don't know how to make this happen while he's in bed with us.

I hate that it's come to this point, but I can honestly say that I've exhausted all other avenues (that I'm aware of, anyway). The No Cry Sleep Solution? Read it cover to cover. Did not work. The Baby Whisperer's pick up/put down method? Did absolutely nothing for his night wakings. Obviously we've tried co-sleeping too. I've tried "giving it time", hoping it's just a phase, etc., etc., etc. You name it, I've tried it.

The pediatrician did leave me with one very good piece of parting advice. "Do this when you're ready," she said. "If you're not ready, it will never work."

Today, I am not ready.