Hindsight (aka: What I'd do differently)

I realize that writing this post is probably a bit premature, since I'm sure there will be a lot of other items to add to this list as time continues to march on at an unbelievably fast pace. But I was talking with my sister the other day and was reminiscing about the earliest days of motherhood and I had to laugh at my neurotic, bordering on obsessive-complusive ways. And I started to wonder: what will I do differently next time around? Turns out, there are quite a few things. I guess that's not surprising, really, since being a new mom is the ultimate humbling experience with a whole lot of trial and error involved.

Towards the end of my pregnancy last year, the big H1N1 scare began. Everywhere you turned, the media delivered basically the same message: Are you pregnant right now? Sorry about your luck. You are destined to die from H1N1. Hospitals were on lock-down; only immediate family members were allowed in the labor and delivery wards and no children were allowed at all. I spent the last several weeks of my pregnancy quarantined in my house & using hand sanitizer obsessively if I did (God forbid) happen to venture outdoors for a doctor's appointment or a trip to the grocery store.

Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't have been a paranoid new mom anyway. I'm sure I would've been, but probably to a lesser degree without the H1N1 scare fest. When Camden was born, I breathed a brief sigh of relief because, according to the media, I had beat all the odds and not only survived my pregnancy but delievered a healthy baby in the middle of the worst flu season in decades. That relief was short-lived, however, because oh my gosh, now I have this tiny, helpless being with a weak immune system & the germs are EVERYWHERE!

It's a wonder I didn't lose my mind in the first couple of months of Camden's life (well, lose my mind completely anyway). I spent those months holed up in my house, terrified of taking my little bundle of precious cargo anywhere. I might as well have built him a bubble to live in. When friends & family came to visit, I was filled with mixed emotions. I was glad to see other humans permeate my isolated existence, but I also felt my stomach twist in knots if a relative so much as sniffled and then reached to pick up my perfect blonde baby. I left a value-sized bottle of hand sanitizer sitting out on the coffee table & it was an unspoken rule back then that if you wanted to so much as lay a finger on Camden, you must first bathe in hand sanitizer.

I don't remember when exactly my paranoia subsided & I started to allow Camden to see the light of day outside of our home. As the weather started to get warmer & Camden started to get bigger & began to receive his vaccinations, I didn't feel the need to sprint out of a room with him if someone dared to sneeze. I wouldn't say I'm completely cured of my neuroticism, however. I'm still not a fan of Camden sharing a drink with anyone other than his daddy or me. And I still cringe when I see him put his mouth on the grocery cart handle but it doesn't launch me into a near panic attack anymore. It's a gradual process of learning to relax and let him be a kid-- within reason, of course.

So, Baby Dos, whenever you may join our family in the future, I can promise you a couple of things: I will allow you to leave the house before you are 2 months old. When a friend or family member wants to hold you, I won't feel the need to breathe into a paper bag. They'll still be required to wash their hands, of course, but I'll no longer have a barrel of hand sanitizer doubling as the centerpiece on our coffee table. In short, I will be more laid back. Not careless, but not obsessive. Not sloppy, but not neurotic.

Stay tuned for Volume 2 of Hindsight (aka: What I'd do differently).