Happy First Birthday, Camden

Click here to view Camden's first year slideshow.

Dear Camden,

Where has this first year gone? It seems like only yesterday I was feeling you roll around in my belly (and kick me in the ribs!) while I anxiously awaited your arrival.

And then came November 21, 2009. The biggest, happiest, most important day of my life to date (well, the day I married your daddy was pretty good too). After a relatively easy labor (if there is such a thing), you came out all on your own, when I wasn't even pushing. You were a determined, active go-getter from day one.

The minute I held you in my arms and kissed your tiny blonde head, I was in love. Deeply, fully, completely. Some say it's not possible to bond with a little stranger so quickly. I know otherwise. You were no stranger to me. You were a part of our family from the very first breath you breathed.

The earliest days weren't always easy. As a clumsy first-time mom learning the ropes, there were many days (and late nights, and early mornings) when I cried. I also worried. A lot. I wanted to make sure I was always doing what was best for you. I knew that being your mother was the most important job in the world, the biggest task I had ever undertaken in my 29 years, and I wanted to do it perfectly.

Thankfully, I learned over the next couple of months that there is no perfection in motherhood. That's half the beauty of it. It's unpredictable, demanding, exhausting, occasionally frustrating, and certainly not perfect. But you know what else I learned? Motherhood, and specifically being YOUR mother, is the best job in the world. I would not trade a moment of this first year with you for anything, ever.

Thanks to your fantastic dad, I have been able to stay at home with you during this past year. What a gift that has been. When I was pregnant, I often worried that being a stay-at-home mom was not for me. I thought I would miss getting dressed up in the mornings and going to work. I thought I would miss the interaction with other adults on a daily basis. And while sometimes there are moments when I think of those things longingly, those moments are fleeting. Because I have had the time of my life being at home with you every day. I love that I am there for every single moment of your life-- both big and small. I remind myself every day not to take it for granted.

There is a framed picture of you taken at one of my first ultrasounds sitting on the side of our bathtub. The frame reads "Miracle". And while my active, handsome, joyful, blonde-haired, blue-eyed son bares no resemblance to the gray form floating in that picture, you still are our miracle child. It was a long road to bring you into our lives, but I would turn around and do it all over again in a heartbeat. Saying that you were worth the wait doesn't do it justice.

Your dad and I often joke that if we could have custom-created a child, you would have been the outcome of that creation (well, maybe we would have selected the "sleeps through the night" button, but we can't have it all now, can we?). Really and truly, you are the perfect match for our family. You are the ideal combination of sweet and silly. You're active and independent, but never hesitate to walk over to your Daddy or me for some cuddling. You're a bit on the shy side, but you love big and enthusiastically with people you know and trust. You're curious, you're eager, and you're kind. You have the best laugh in the world and your kisses melt my heart.

This past year has been such a blessing. You've made your Daddy and me better people-- more patient, more loving, more thankful. I wouldn't think it possible if I didn't already know it was true: I love you more with every passing day. You're my son, my first-born, and you'll always be the one who made me a mommy.

Happy first birthday, Camden Miller. You are so loved.

Love,
Mommy