Happy Second Birthday

Dear Camden,


Two years ago, I sat on the couch with Maggie while your Daddy timed my contractions. Two years ago, we packed up the car and headed to the hospital at 3am, hearts racing with nervousness and excitement. Two years ago, your Daddy updated his Facebook status to read “Breathless with anticipation” as I was officially admitted into the hospital. Two years ago, family came pouring into my hospital room, attempting to distract me with conversation and letting me use their hands as stress balls during contractions. Two years ago, just as I was beginning to feel like the pain was too much, the nurse said, “Are you ready to push?!” and, just like that, my pain was forgotten. Two years ago, your Daddy held one of my legs and your Nan held the other while I pushed with all my might. Two years ago, you decided you were going to do things your own way and you came sliding right out when I wasn’t even pushing. Two years ago, you turned immediately to look at your Daddy as the doctor caught you in his arms. Two years ago, the doctor placed you in my arms and I saw your sweet face for the first time. Two years ago, I fell completely and irrevocably in love with you. Two years ago, you made me a mom.

Two years.

Over the past two years, we’ve hurt watching you hurt—at birthmark removal appointments, when receiving vaccinations, and when you’ve fallen and skinned your knee in typical toddler fashion. Fortunately, we’ve felt terror only on the rare occasion—the night you fell down the stairs shortly after your first birthday and those few seconds (that felt like hours) when you stepped out of my sight at the store. We’ve been frustrated over sleepless nights, failed sleep training, and the occasional tantrum.

But mostly? There’s been joy.

Over the past two years, we’ve laughed as you smiled for the first time. We’ve cheered when you first rolled over, when you first pushed up and began crawling, and when you started to pull up to stand. We practically threw a party the night you started walking clumsily back and forth between your Dad and me. We’ve celebrated your first word, the first time you threw a ball, the first time you waved goodbye, and the first time you jumped with both feet off the ground. We’ve watched proudly as you’ve blossomed in speech therapy, and as you’ve become increasingly more independent, making it clear that Mommy and Daddy don’t always have to be one step behind you (even though we usually are). We’ve laughed hysterically as you’ve paraded around in Mommy’s high- heel shoes, with arms covered in a sleeve of Mickey Mouse tattoos.

A few years ago, before you were even conceived, I wrote a letter to you. I told you that your Daddy and I wouldn’t always be perfect parents, but that we would always do our best for you. I told you that you would make us better people and that we would learn by loving you. I’ve held true to those promises. I have no illusions (or delusions) of perfection in parenting, but every choice I’ve made in the past two years, I’ve made out of love for you. It feels that most of what I was doing with my life prior to being your mom was inconsequential. I was always waiting for you, before I even realized it.

Happy second birthday, Camden Miller. You are so loved.

Love,

Mommy

 
PS- See this last picture? So.very.true.