When Camden was born, I figured I'd just bring him home from the hospital and figuring out how to organize our days would come naturally to me. And maybe it does work like that for some moms, but for me-- well, it just didn't. I had no idea what I was doing, other than loving this tiny little being that dictated my days and nights.
When Camden was around 4 months old, I called my mom in tears of frustration one day. "I can't do this anymore," I declared, "I need some kind of schedule or routine for him." I had reached my breaking point because Camden would only take 30 minute catnaps all day long-- and each short nap had to be while sleeping on me. I felt like I couldn't accomplish anything around the house; I felt like I couldn't ever even leave the house to do something simple like run an errand. When he fussed, I had no idea what he needed. Could he be hungry? Did he need another catnap? Was he just bored? I was totally clueless.
Enter: The Baby Whisperer. I ordered this book after reading promising reviews online from other parents who were in the same situation I was in before implementing the Baby Whisperer's routine. I think I read it cover to cover the very day it arrived on my doorstep and started Camden on the Whisperer's routine the next day. (That's an entirely different story. Starting a catnapping 4 month old on a routine isn't an easy feat. But I did it, and I'd never want to do it again!)
When I was pregnant this time around, I knew I wanted to do things differently from the beginning. I knew a lot of moms swore by the "Babywise" method and so I decided to see what the hype was all about. You guys? I'm going to be honest here: I wasn't a fan of the book. I was surprised to find that the Babywise schedule was similar to the Baby Whisperer one that I used with Camden: it's suggested in both books that you follow an Eat/Play/Sleep routine for your baby. That, I had no problem with. My issue with Babywise was the entire chapter devoted to what to do when your baby cries. And I just wasn't comfortable with the amount of crying that the author suggests is okay for a very young baby. Let me be clear: I know there are many staunch opposers of Babywise and I'm not one of them. It's just not something I personally felt was a good match for me as a parent. (Also? I think Babywise might be a better match for formula feeding moms. I say that because formula feeding moms have the luxury of getting to see exactly how much their child is taking in at each feeding, so they don't have that nagging doubt that breastfeeding moms often have about whether or not their baby is getting enough to eat.)
So, I decided to go with old faithful: the Baby Whisperer. This time around, though, I attempted to implement the BW principles from day one. Granted, in the first few weeks, the Eat/Play/Sleep routine didn't work more often than it did (because newborns? They're gonna sleep when they want to sleep, and don't you try to convince them otherwise). But, gradually, the routine started to kick in and a couple of things surprised me: while getting baby to follow a routine does initially require some hard work and dedication on mom's part, once you get there, the days actually become a lot easier than when you sort of wander through them aimlessly. Also? Baby is happier when following a routine. I've mentioned Macey's happy, laid back personality in previous posts. And while I will certainly credit some of that to her natural temperament, I also think it has a great deal to do with her routine. She doesn't get overtired because I always know when it's nap time. She doesn't get fussy from hunger because I know when it's time to eat. Predictability is a good thing.
This doesn't mean that all of our days are neat and orderly now. Not at all. Babies aren't robots and there are certainly days when Macey decides she's only going to nap for 45 minutes or she'll start giving me hunger cues an hour and a half after she's last eaten. On those days, I follow her lead. I'm not going to let my desire to follow a routine trump what Macey communicates to me, ever.
One last point I want to make: I think my initial hesitation to put Camden on a routine had a lot to do with my strong feelings of connection towards the Attachment Parenting movement. I think there's this misconception that to be an "attached" parent, you must never, ever consider putting your child on any sort of schedule. As a first time mom, that AP mantra kind of got in my head and gave me a guilt trip. Now, I know better. I breastfeed. We sometimes co-sleep. I babywear Macey for at least an hour every day. But I also follow a routine. And you know what? I couldn't possibly feel more attached to either of my children.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
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7 comments:
Glad you guys are getting into a routine! It took me a while to realize that I didn't have to fit into just one "parenting category". Just do whatever works for your family:)
Isaiah is a month old and is still in the stage where you can't possibly tell him what he's going to do. He sleeps when he wants to sleep and eats when he wants to eat. I was trying to get him down for naps after a reasonable period of time (I experimented with everything from 45 to 90 minutes) and there was no way he was doing it except when HE wanted to. I was majorly stressed out. So we're back to "whatever". Thankfully I am not someone who feels like she needs to have a set schedule. I am jealous of your predictable baby, though:)
I am such a fan of routine!! I think I might need it even more than the kids... we have had great success with eat-play-sleep with both kids, too!
I have some sunshine-y cheer for you at my blog: http://mrsmidatlantic.com/2012/10/sunshine-award/
A) I need to read this book. B) What kind of sling/baby wearer do you have? My dr. said no to slings at this age, we have a generic Baby Bjorn but haven't tried it yet.
Amy, I have a Moby. They are definitely safe for infants. Using it does have a learning curve (I watched You Tube instructional videos, haha) but I love it.
I am hard-core into Attachment Parenting, and I totally agree it's okay to have a routine. You are not alone. ;)
We've done early bedtimes because of the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby book. (actually, I read Your Fussy baby, his SHORTER book with my first). I like that he has suggestions for moms who are comfortable with crying and suggestions for moms who are not. My friend is a nurse. She recommended it. She is a cue-feeder but very serious about her kiddos naps! If they wake early, she nurses them back to sleep. ;) Serious about those naps!
I am also a cue-feeder. It is easier to schedule feed a formula-fed baby. I agree with you on that. Moms with BIG supplies can probably get away with it too for the first few months, but it's hard to maintain a supply for a year for MOST women without more frequent nursing.
My friend's baby is 11 lbs 4 oz at 6 months (was 6 lbs at birth). It is NOT an ideal weight for her age. She really needed to do eat play eat sleep.
It's really important for moms to modify attachment parenting AND routine parenting to the individual baby. Sounds like you are true to yourself and respectful of your children's needs. Your children are blessed.
I guess I never saw routine as the opposite of AP. I think some babies just *need* a routine to function well. Both of ours seem that way, especially about sleep.
I definitely nurse on cue, but at 3 weeks, there's already a routine of sorts - our baby just fell into one, it seems, like her older sis.
She sleeps, she wakes, I change her, feed her, maybe hang out with her awake, then she's ready for sleep again. Sometimes she falls asleep while nursing, and I'm cool with that. But luckily she'll sleep for anywhere from 2.5 to 6 hours at a stretch.
But we are routine people - at night we keep the lights low and don't talk or play so she goes right back to sleep after eating. During the day we get her out of the swaddle, get her outside, tummy time, wearing time, etc.
As she gets older and takes more regular naps, we'll do the same as we did with her big sister, which is to respect the naptime and not plan stuff during those times. It makes for a less spontaneous life, but I'm ok with the tradeoff of more sleep for everyone :0
Oops, this turned into a novel. I should probably write about this on my own blog.
Anyway, good luck and sounds like you are doing what's right for you!
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